Experiencing and overcoming challenges is a normal (and necessary) part of growing up. However, teens are struggling now more than ever with the pressures society, peers, and their families place on them. This struggle also occurs at a time when most teens have cell phones, making it even harder to take a break from the pressure. Too much pressure can lead to low self-esteem.
If not adequately addressed, low self-esteem increases your child’s risk of depression, anxiety and suicide. Fortunately, there are things you can do to help bolster your teen’s self-confidence and improve their self-esteem. Through gentle parenting and using a few simple ways to improve self-confidence, you can help your child develop the skills necessary to successfully navigate any challenges as they appear.
6 Gentle Parenting Techniques for Raising Teens with Confidence
1. Celebrate the Differences of Others
Teens are keenly aware of ways they are similar and different from those around them. Make sure to celebrate their differences and regularly mention how neat it is that everyone is unique in their own ways. While you may see the beauty in your child’s differences, it can be hard for them to do the same. If they struggle with confidence because of this, ask them what they don’t like about themselves. Make sure you point out what you love about your child’s individuality and reaffirm your love for them often. Positive messaging can improve how your child feels about themselves and can help them change their perspective on their appearance.
2. Be Your Child’s Cheerleader
Teenagers are constantly bombarded online and through the media about how they should think, look and act. No child is immune to these pressures. Make sure to counteract any negativity they encounter by being your teenager’s biggest supporter. Focus on their strengths and celebrate their academic and personal achievements. Provide plenty of encouragement when things get difficult. Knowing that someone is always in their corner to support them is a great way to nurture your child’s confidence.
3. Help Them Modify Behaviors When Appropriate
While we may want our children to always love themselves for who they are, societal norms and social expectations are a fact of life. As adults, we understand the expectations to conform in some ways to “fit in.” Although celebrating differences is a key aspect of healthy parenting, we also must help coach our kids as they grow so they can modify any behaviors that may get in the way of peer interactions. For example, other teens will ostracize someone if that person is overly blunt, rude, or lacks proper hygiene. If this sounds like your child and there is something that they can control or modify to get along better with others, then help them address these challenges in a gentle manner.
4. Catch Your Teen Being Good and Celebrate These Acts
When your child becomes a teenager, it becomes much easier as a parent to focus on what they’re not doing as opposed to what they are. One simple yet powerful way to improve your child’s self-confidence is to shift your focus and acknowledge and praise them for acts showcasing kindness, empathy, and respect. These actions can be as simple as picking up litter off the sidewalk, helping your elderly neighbor with her groceries or befriending the new kid in their class. Praise and acknowledgment for acts of kindness show your teen that they can positively impact others, making them feel seen and bolstering their self-esteem.
5. Help Them Practice Assertiveness
Some of the most positive skills you can help your teenager learn are the ability to advocate for themself and their right to fair treatment from others. By learning how to be assertive, your child is less likely to be bullied and will build greater self-confidence, knowing they have the power to express their needs effectively. If your child practices a more passive communication style, they are more likely to be overlooked at school and in social situations.
Help your teen learn how to use posturing or an open, straight posture when talking with others. This communicates assertiveness and confidence. Also, encourage them to maintain eye contact and “I” statements to clearly indicate their needs and show them how to use a firm yet polite tone without being abrasive. Role modeling these behaviors can set the right example for them to follow. These skills take practice, especially for those who are quieter or more passive than others, but they are vital for your child’s well-being, especially as they get older.
6. Set Reasonable Expectations for Your Child
Most parents have high expectations of their children. While teaching your kids to try their best is important, you must keep your expectations realistic. Demanding effort is healthy, but be reasonable. Your child is developing their strengths as they mature and learning more about their abilities and weaknesses every day. Your teen may develop confidence issues if you demand more from them than what they can accomplish.
For example, if your teen is an excellent cross-country runner and great at math, you can set your standard for their achievements in those areas quite high. However, if they find history or band more challenging, set your expectations within their reach, yet not too low. If you’re unsure how to approach this, consult their teachers and coaches. They spend a lot of time with your child and are very familiar with their strengths and weaknesses. In addition, listen to your teenager, as they can tell you exactly what they can handle and where they may struggle. By managing your expectations and helping your teens build self-awareness, they will become more confident in knowing they can handle any setbacks while still aiming high where they can.
Final Thoughts: Raising Teens with confidence
Remember, building confidence isn’t about chasing perfection. Rather, it’s about embracing who your teen is and giving them the tools they need to achieve their potential while having the confidence to tackle the obstacles that come their way. Fostering a growth mindset while offering unconditional love is the best way to help your teenager improve their self-confidence so they learn to believe in themselves and their abilities as they grow up.
