This week, my teen and I were quick to snap at each other. Finally, after the third or fourth incident, I remembered something: we were both about to get our periods.
I checked my period tracking app and realized I was only four days away, then asked her to do the same. She was also four days away. “Ewww, mom. Why’d you sync up with me?” she quipped in typical teen fashion. Still, we were both relieved that there was a good reason for our majorly increased irritability. We were emotionally low because freaking hormones.
As an adult, who has been getting a period for close to 30 years, it’s taken me a long time to get in the habit of tracking my period consistently. But, as my hormonal fluctuations have gotten more intense with age, I’ve begun to rely on knowing exactly what’s going on in my body throughout the entire month. It’s a genuinely empowering habit that I wish I’d picked up on earlier in life for a lot of reasons. A. Lot.
When I was a teenager and young woman, I could’ve definitely benefited from knowing when I was emotionally strained. But I didn’t. Instead, like clockwork each month, I’d have a meltdown, a falling out with a friend, or at home, or forget to hand in school work. In college, I’d have some wild night where I’d drink way too much and make a total fool of myself.
Then, I’d get my period and realize why I’d been acting slightly (or a lot) more unhinged.
But the damage had already been done. Basically, I’d lose myself for a solid week, each and every month, and then have to deal with the fallout. It wasn’t pretty. It was also highly preventable.
If I had been in the habit of tracking, I’d have been able to save myself a lot of emotional turmoil, and I’d maybe have been more gentle with myself. I’d also have known the times of the month when I’m most fertile, when my energy may be up or down, and so much more. But honestly, aside from getting a monthly period and knowing I might be a little moody before I started to bleed, I had no idea what the other stages of my cycle even were.
Now, in the age where tracking is made easy with apps like Flo, I understand them all. I know that in my luteal phase, I’m more fragile. I can be sad for no reason, have trouble sleeping, and have low energy. During menstruation, I need more rest and a lot more nourishment. When I’m in the follicular phase, I am super energized and always have my best ideas. I’m like a focused, energizer bunny. And I lean into that and use it to my advantage. When I’m ovulating, the same can be true, but I also can get cramps and a sore lower back.
These days, I can’t believe I spent so many years completely out of tune with what was going on in my body. Not only did that cause me emotional strife, but it also meant that I often wasn’t giving my body the proper support that it so desperately needed.
So, as a parent, I’m all about teaching my teen about her cycle. Not only does she track her period, but she understands that throughout the month, her body and her brain have different needs. That could mean extra rest, a bit more iron or protein, or it could mean just feeling like she needs to be heard. It also could mean staying in her room for three days because she’s very irritated with her mother.
Either way, open communication about both of our cycles means we can be more in sync — and not just when it comes to our periods. We can understand where we both are physically and emotionally, and be sensitive about what we each need, what isn’t serving us, and really when to just shut up and give the other a break. Or some pizza.
And when it comes to my teen daughter, my hope is that learning about her cycle now and its amazing (and sometimes really challenging) impacts, will teach her to be more gentle with herself when self-compassion is really all she needs. There’s an app for that so, really, why not track?
