Sending kids off to school every day, not knowing what they may encounter, can be tricky—especially if you feel they may be encountering unkind, intimidating, or even bullying behavior. But these days, the term “bullying” gets thrown around a lot. Kids often can’t tell the difference between the kind of unwarranted rudeness which can be ignored, and true bullying that is relentless, inescapable, or cruel.
Bullying takes a lot of different forms in 2024, too. It doesn’t just stay in the schoolyard, or in the hallway between classes. It can show up online on social media and in group chats. Online bullying can make kids feel trapped—like there is no escape from the challenges they deal with when they are face to face with their bullies because it doesn’t even pause when they’re in the comfort of their own homes.
Whether it’s in person or online, it still hurts. Parents need to be tuned into potential bullying situations because not only can they make kids uncomfortable or sad, they can wear on kids’ mental health in a genuinely detrimental way. For teens, who may already be feeling vulnerable at a challenging time in their lives, getting bullied can be deeply unsettling.
It’s not always easy to tell if your child is being bullied. But experts advise that there are certain signs to be on the look out for if you suspect there’s a bully hurting your kid.
Four Signs it might be bullying:
1. They seem frequently withdrawn
According to Vasilii Kiselev, CEO and co-founder of Legacy Online School, an online education platform providing high-quality online education, parents who suspect their child might be experiencing bullying should look out for a lack of interest in things they used to enjoy. If your child seems withdrawn, emotionally low, or checked out, there could be something really troubling going on with their peers. “Maybe your child was always the first to grab their soccer ball or start a new art project, and now they seem disinterested or even reluctant to engage,” says Kiselev. “This withdrawal often signals emotional turmoil and can be an indicator of bullying.”
2. They’re extremely stressed, or even suffering physical ailments
An uptick in extreme stress can be a sign that your child is experiencing something more than just unpleasant behavior from peers. Stress can look different from kid to kid, but things like the inability to fall asleep, being irritable, or complaining of physical discomforts, like stomach aches or headaches, are not uncommon. Kiselev says, “The body often uses physical ailments as a way of expressing emotional turmoil or high stress, especially in children who may not fully understand or feel comfortable articulating their feelings.”
3. They only socialize online
Kids who are dealing with a bully (or bullies) might have a hard time being around anyone — especially their parents — when they’re in the thick of it. Of course, for teens, a bit of space from parents can be a variation of normal. But if your kid is spending tons of time alone, not even making plans to see friends, it could mean there’s a big struggle playing out in their life.
Likewise, if the only social interactions they get are online, it could mean they’re spending lots of time playing defense against a bully, or feeling paranoid about what’s being said about them.
4. They can’t put a stop to it on their own
Bullies love it when they know they’ve rattled someone. And often, a strong reaction like anger or tears means they only double-down. If your child has repeatedly asked for the behavior to stop, and it continues, that’s more than just rudeness or hazing. It doesn’t matter if the behavior is happening in-person or online. While in-person cruelty can be tough to deal with in the moment, online bullying that’s relentless is immensely challenging, too, especially if untrue, embarrassing, or mean words are being used against your child.
If they’ve asked, begged, or pleaded for the person to stop posting about them, harassing them, or persistently negatively engaging them online, it’s still bullying. And it’s still not okay.
Other signs of bullying can be slipping grades, frequent nightmares, and changes in eating habits, according to the US Dept. of Health and Human Services-run site, StopBullying.gov. Still, it can be hard to know for sure what’s going on until you get confirmation from your child.
How To Help A Bullied Child
Open the conversation
Kiselev says that letting your kid know they can talk to you about anything is essential when it comes to them knowing they can open up about being bullied. “Parents can ease these worries by creating a safe, judgment-free space where their child feels comfortable expressing themselves,” Kiselev explains. “Rather than jumping straight to solutions, start by simply listening—this gives them room to share openly and without interruption.”
Ask important questions
Kiselev also says there are some important questions that can help them know you have their back. “You should also ask questions that show you’re invested in helping them, such as, ‘How did that make you feel?’ or ‘What would make school feel safer for you?’ Once you’ve established trust on the issue, work together to devise a plan, keeping their comfort at the forefront.
Let them lead
Being bullied can make kids feel like they have no control over their life or their happiness. Giving them a voice, and allowing them to be a leader in the conversation is key. “By letting t
hem lead the process, you’re addressing the immediate issue while also teaching them lifelong skills in advocating for themselves and building resilience,” Kiselev adds.
Of course, there is no easy fix for dealing with a bully. Still, as a parent, your kid needs to know that you know what’s going on and that you are there to help. The sooner they know they aren’t on their own, the better.
