Many parents occasionally struggle to get their teenagers out the door in time for school. However, if your teenager is refusing to go to school often, it can become incredibly challenging. Understanding how to deal with teen school refusal is important, as the wrong approach may invite rebellion and additional teenage challenges. Fortunately, there are several ways to be proactive and keep occasional teen school refusal from becoming a larger issue.
Underlying Reasons for School Refusal
Chances are that something is occurring at school that your teen is actively trying to avoid. Underlying academic anxiety, problems with their peer group and other issues may feel impossible for them to overcome. Before chalking up their behavior to pure defiance, investigate further to ensure something more serious than teenage rebellion isn’t happening. Bullying makes it difficult for a teen to attend classes, as can family stress, learning difficulties or mental health issues. If any of these are part of the problem, try to address them first.
Why the Parent-Child Relationship Matters
Threatening your teen with punishments, yelling and lecturing gets you nowhere and may push your child further away and increase their school avoidance behavior. Cultivating a nurturing relationship and validating their feelings can go a long way in solving teen school refusal.
School anxiety can also show up as physical symptoms like stomachache, nausea and flu-like symptoms. Be careful not to be dismissive, as these symptoms are often genuine. Think about how you’d want your parents to understand you’re in pain. Acknowledging their symptoms and expressing sympathy can validate your child’s feelings and help you get them back in the classroom.
Find a Balance That Works
If you are constantly battling your teen over school attendance, you may want to help them cultivate coping skills to alleviate stress and make attending class easier. Meditation, deep breathing techniques and even midday text or phone check-ins with you are some strategies you can use to help your teen get through the school day.
You may also consider meeting with your teen’s teachers and school counselors to discuss extra ways they can offer support. For example, 504 plans can provide eligible teenagers with additional accommodations, such as tutoring for difficult subjects or extra time to complete homework. Contact your teen’s school and see what assistance may be available.
Avoid the Temptation To Control and Work With Them Instead
Teenagers are notorious for rebelling against authority. Trying to control your adolescent will likely result in the same response. When you insist on controlling your child’s behavior, it not only drains the warmth and openness from your relationship but is also counterproductive and usually leads to them engaging in the behavior you are trying to avoid.
Instead of controlling them, try to work with them. Your teenager will be more likely to attend school if you remain supportive and acknowledge their feelings. If attending brick-and-mortar school is causing your teen a great deal of disruption and anguish, alternative schooling methods like online learning and homeschooling may be a better fit.
Plan Regular Quality Time Together
You can only solve the issue of teen school refusal if you know what’s going on in your teen’s life. Spending time with your teen can build your relationship, making it easier for them to come to you when they are having difficulties socially and academically. Try to make quality time a regular occurrence, whether it’s an evening stroll through the neighborhood or shooting hoops at the park. These moments create opportunities for genuine dialogue, giving your teen a chance to talk about issues that are stressing them out.
Be Genuinely Interested in What They Do
Maintaining interest in your teen’s hobbies and activities makes them more likely to work with you instead of rebel against you. If they are part of the school’s chess club, talk to them about how practices are going. If they enjoy video games, take some time out of your day and ask them to show you how to play. Maintaining genuine interest keeps you “in the know” about what might be troubling your teen and provides more insight into the circumstances causing them to refuse to attend school.
Let Them Know They Can Always Talk to You
When your child is going through a difficult period, the best thing you can do is listen and be there for them. The most productive time to have a discussion with your teen is when you’re settling in for the evening and can sit together and talk. As a result of these conversations, you may decide to seek out therapy for troubled teens as a way to help your child overcome symptoms of depression or anxiety that are preventing them from reaching their full potential at school.
Other Options Available for Troubled Teens
A troubled teen may exhibit emotional, behavioral or other problems that extend past most typical teenage issues. There is intensive help for teenagers struggling with mental health or addiction, including residential treatment programs for troubled teens. These programs provide individualized treatment that addresses serious problems that may cause teen school refusal. If you’re looking for recommendations on programs for troubled teens, your school counselor or local counseling resource center can help you identify which programs may be the right fit for your child.
Additionally, outpatient programs and comprehensive mental health therapy for troubled teens are often available closer to home. These counselors can provide your teen with the help they need without having to travel too far. Being proactive in getting your child the treatment they need can help them resolve these issues while helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms they can use in difficult situations.
Final Thoughts: How to Help your Teen with School Refusal
Parenting your child as they enter the teenage years isn’t easy. It’s important to understand that they do think differently and that their brains are still developing. They also may not have the insight to understand consequences as you do. However, by strengthening your bond, remaining empathetic yet firm, and seeking solutions that encourage school attendance, you can help them overcome any issues they face.
